in the common hours

For the moms

When Aidan was born, my good friend Angie put together a book of "mother wisdom" for me, with short essays by my favorite moms---my sisters, my mom, my mother-in-law, and my closest friends who had children. It remains one of my favorite gifts ever.

When I became a mother, I was shocked at how little reading material accompanied me. Oh, there were plenty of "how to" books and I read plenty of them. But there were so few that offered a glimpse into how an individual had made her own way down the joyful and guilt-filled path of motherhood. (Notable exceptions: Tillie Olson's "I Stand Here Ironing"; Lorrie Moore's "People Like That Are the Only People Here", and a few Grace Paley stories. If any others come to mind, please leave the title and author in comments. Thanks!)

I have an insatiable need to read, and reading something that actually applies to what I'm living is a rare treat.  Which is why I'm so grateful for all the mothers who are sharing their unique journeys online. I'm grateful for all the mothers I've come to know via this blog or their blogs. 

In celebration of Mother's Day, I want to share some of my favorite posts by them:

By the Seat of Our Pants by Catherine Newman, on one of the worst pains in parenting

Loving the Mothers We Are from PrairiePoppins

Good, Better, Best from Stephanie in Alaska

Slow Learner from FinSlippy

Humanity by Pioneer Woman Ree

Press On from Molly Irwin, refreshingly honest about one of those days

Not having a *system* from MollyCoddle, a short reflection that this system-lovin' mom needed to read that day... 

And the best essay I've ever read on mothering, by the great Anna Quindlen.

Finally, for all the moms out there, Billy Collins reading "The Lanyard". You'll need to turn off the music if you haven't already. It's the first of the three poems he reads in this clip (thanks, Katie--great minds think alike!):

Enjoy your Lanyards this weekend. That is the magic of motherhood---we can find delight in anything made by our offspring:-)

And do me this favor--- hand over your camera this weekend. Get a shot of you with each of your children. 

In making Sean's ABC album, the hardest part was finding one photo of just him and me. There are possibly three photos of just me and Nolan out of the 1001 photos we've taken since he came home. Of course I don't like how I look in any of them.

All I see here, besides sweet Nolan at 5 weeks,  are the dark bags under my eyes, the pregnancy weight I've yet to lose, my need for a comb.

But I know enough to realize someday I'll find it priceless.

Life begins anew

Happy International Women's Day

I had never heard of tomorrow's holiday until we were in Russia, probably their biggest holiday of the year after New Year's Day. Love how it embraces all women, married or single, with or without children.

This year's election process has me thinking more and more about being a woman. In this day, in this place.

I am so grateful for the sisterhood in my life, from my actual sisters and the friends who have become like sisters. From mentors and role models as well as younger women who inspire me. And for the men in my life who have never made me feel anything less than equal, especially my dad and Brian.

It took me months in Russia to finally "get" why our  neighbors kept asking Brian to play chess instead of me, even though Bri would politely decline and point them toward me as the one who enjoyed the game. In our village at least, it was only a man's game.

And it's taken me years to get some perspective on how much the past influences the present, despite changes. My country, for most of its history, denied "my kind" the right to vote, never mind the right to run for office. My church, for most of its history, defined "my kind"  as "incomplete human beings" (at least according to Thomas Aquinas). Today there is still much disagreement on what it means to be a woman.

In some countries, it means your birth is a burden, something to be mourned---or worse---for a family wanting only a son. It can mean no right to own property, or it can mean you are property. There is still so much work to be done, and I hope women (and men---because who wants to be with anyone less than an equal?) in our country feel how lucky we are---there has never been a better place or time to be a woman than now, here.

Side note: I've changed it so that if you want music playing, you need to click play on the playlist at the very top right side. I might turn it on auto periodically...depending on the annoyance potential of the song and how much I want to make you listen to it!

Joy and Sorrow

Lots of sweetness here this week, with these two cute little boys totally getting into the holiday---not to mention their cute father, who completely surprised me with this. Flowers, chocolate, and photo software---how well this man knows me!

A sad end to a beautiful day when I saw the headline "Gun Shooter on Illinois Campus" online---I couldn't breathe for a second. My brother is a junior at the University of Illinois, and my little sister is getting her graduate degree at another Illinois campus. By now everyone knows it took place at Northern Illinois University, less than a mile from where yet another sister lives. An auditorium of freshmen and sophomores. Just unthinkable. I can't bring myself to really think of their parents, only pray they find strength and peace somehow.

Something else that made me cry--this post by Julie's husband Brendan. I don't believe everything happens for a reason, and I don't believe everything is a coincidence either. But I do believe miracles happen daily---whenever a heart receives what it needs. I'm so grateful to him for sharing that story.

Happy Valentine's Day

Our very first photo together. In a canoe. Taken by Bri. October 1990.

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray." -Rumi

It may be a Hallmark holiday, but it's a good one. Wishing you time today to delight in chocolate, in laughter, and in the ones you love.

Hello 2008

I have yet to take a photo in the new year...how sad is that? 2008 will find me reading a lot of manuals and websites on how to use my new rebel before you see many photos here.

This is one of the first ones taken, just after opening it on Christmas morning. Brian had it all set to go, and walked me through the initial set up. "Boken" is what I wanted, and even if I don't know what I'm doing yet, looks like it will be easy to get that effect now:-) Yay!

We only have two more days of winter break left. While I know I function best with a schedule, I love these loose days of just enjoying each other and not running around. Plus, it is cold here. Unusually cold, so home is the perfect place to be.

Hoping to find more room for Sean's clothes in Aidan's room (even though Sean is sadly back in the crib tonight). I'm racking my brain to remember what movies and books I saw/read last year. I kept a list for the first three months of the year and then lost interest in recording such things. Urr...

I'm a goal-driven gal, so even if they say resolutions are defeating, I love this time of reflection and thinking about all the areas of my life and what I want to achieve this year. Problem is, I could easily spend a year thinking about it all and not achieving any of it. So I want to narrow my focus a bit and choose selectively. Bringing a new person into the world and learning to take of three boys might just be enough of a  goal for 2008.

Answering a few questions:

-that big present in the last post is Brian's new drill press, which he has proudly put to use already:-)

-we set up the bunk beds as two separate twins, for now...I do love how they look but I'm trying to resist buying this over-priced window seat/bookcase that would *make* the room.

-The digital tag seen here in our Xmas post was created by Heather Ann Melzer. She designs all kinds of goodies for digi scrappers, writes for Better Homes & Gardens Scrapbooks, Etc., and is also a mom to three little ones in the town right next to my parents. Check out her stuff!

Elizabeth pointed out that our family had the Snow book that Sean received this year. I have no memory of it, but it makes sense why I was so attracted to it. Elizabeth even remembered lines from it---the girl who always claims to be the non-reader of our family with no memory. Nice try, Lizzy!

I was also asked what I received for Xmas this year. Ah, hello, haven't you heard me obsess about this baby:

We were surprised to learn that both of Brian's lens from his film SLR rebel work (we had been told differently). Bonus! So I returned the new lens for a second battery:-)  I'm intimidated by this camera, but I am by all new things. Committed to learning from it, and the instant gratification of seeing your mistakes is the great benefit of digital.

I also received some much needed new slippers from the boys, music, gift cards and too many favorites to mention them all. Brian and I gave each other the same exact calendar, which wouldn't be all that surprising if we had both bought it in our town, which has a very limited selection, but he bought his in Colorado. We've had so many moments like that, as different as we are. I love that.

Brian's family exchanges gifts with his aunt and uncle's family, which involves writing a wish list and being assigned a name, and this year, meant mainly exchanging gift cards with each other. Brian's Aunt Betty sent me a money order:-)  Wow, the power to spend $! And she must have known me better than myself because I ended up not buying any of things on the wish list I submitted, but ordering this new diaper bag from Erin at Bluebirdbaby.

I'm in love with it already, and I haven't even received it yet. I love that among all the hand-me-downs Baby#3 is inheriting, this will be new, and it is custom-made, meaning Erin included a little loop for my key carabiner, and pockets just for a baby bag. This peek inside is from a different version on her site.

Another one of my favorite gifts was for baby #3:  He'll be the first of our newborns to have a bassinet to sleep in. Brian already put it together, happy I imagine that he'll no longer need to take the crib apart every time someone stays with us. The sight of it makes me smile daily:-)

Aidan gave me an album and kit (ala a school fundraiser) for the baby as well.  Brian braved a scrapbook store and surprised me with some goodies. Among other things, my mom gave me a collection of Erma Bombeck essays that I've already devoured, along with her brack bread (though two little boys helped me with that part).

Kathy sent me my very own box of Barf, which is now a proud and permanent fixture in our laundry room. Seriously made me laugh out loud!

My very favorite gift though...besides the backrub I received the day before Christmas, and even more than my beloved camera, was a placemat of American presidents. Brian knows I've been coveting the Rockow kids' one since last February, and have looked for it everywhere with no luck.  He found it. So cool. Such a sweet gift on his part because he had to know I was going to annoy him all year by reciting them until I can do it by heart.

And tomorrow we may be a little closer to learning who will be the next face on the placemat. Only 383 more days till we have a new president in office!

Goodbye 2007

Thanks to those still checking in here, despite how quiet it's been, and to those who wrote saying, "post already."

We had a lovely Christmas at home. The night before, while Brian and I shared that spousal tradition of wrapping together well into the night, we opened a package that was supposed to be this:

And instead we found this:

I freaked out at first. We hadn't purchased very much this year. Remember that Less is More post on toys? (I hope to list the final top toys this week!). But I didn't want Aidan to be disappointed, and wrongly assume Santa hadn't known what a great boy he had been all year.

So I wrapped the unwanted preschool toy anyway, and even if it didn't have the impact the planets would have, both guys loved it. And the store has refunded the now-unavailable planet system and told us to keep the play hospital set. 

Idea for next year: Someone told me they give three gifts, in honor of the wise men's three gifts to the Christ child. I also read about the idea of giving "something you want, something you need, something handmade, and something to read"--- we came pretty close to that without even intending to.

Santa brought both boys their wish of light sabers, as well as enamel mugs for their cocoa/tea (these seriously got the GREATEST reaction from both boys!), and they each received a book to add to our basket of winter/Christmas themed books.

  Aidan's book

and Sean's

We received an impromptu visit this weekend from Mary Alice. Both boys were so sad to see her go this morning. Sean is still expecting her back any time now. Her visit led us to set up the bunk beds that were really the boys' big gift this Christmas. Sean did so well transitioning from his crib to the futon, but the move to Aidan's room has proved to be a little too exciting. We shall see. I found a red comforter for Sean during our crazy-full day in GJ on Friday. Still need to redo much of Aidan's room to make it both of theirs now. 

I love lists, and for years MA, Angie and I have exchanged "Best of" lists at the end of the year. My siblings and I started doing this as well. Movies, books, music, as well as best memories of the year, and goals for the new year. I'm going to need some time though to get any kind of perspective on 2007.

Is this how it feels to get older? To constantly want time to slow down? I remember desperately wanting it to speed up when I was 15. Now everything seems to go by so quickly...

Even this pregnancy is going by too quickly. I am not a big fan of pregnancy, in general. Just a big fan of the end result.  Some women revel in being pregnant, feeling their best. I have a couple good months between being sick daily and then getting uncomfortable at the end. Pregnancy at 38 definitely feels different than it did at 32. And still, I want time to slow down a bit, let me get ready, and let me revel, if not in the physical changes of pregnancy, at least in my participation---this last time---in the miracle of creating life.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

Christmas Eve

After many fun-filled, but overfilled days, I am thrilled to have nowhere we have to go for the next 48 hours. Alleluia!

Yesterday was our little nativity play at St. Francis.

Ben and his sister Sarah played Mary and Joseph, and their real little brother had the star role of Jesus. Aidan was one of the three wise men. Sean decided to opt out at the last minute.   We asked two high school girls to read Luke 2 as the kids took their places, with a little singing of We Three Kings and The Little Drummer Boy. The production had quite a "Charlie Brown" feel to it, as Annabelle put it, which was part of the charm. Definitely a big hit among the grandmothers, who make up 90% of our parish.

Three Kings

and

Two Sweet

Angels

Not to worry, Sean enjoyed plenty of attention. There is a sweet woman named Bobbie, who must be nearly 80, and who always brings something for the boys to every service. Here's Sean enjoying his Bobbie-treat:

Finally, before I sign out for the next few days, I wanted to share a few links I meant to post here, based on questions I received or to be a resource for me next winter.

In case you've forgotten how to fold paper for six-sided snowflakes, go here.

Instructions on making very simple salt-dough ornaments are here.

I'm not a big fan of gingerbread houses. Love the look, hate the stale frosting and candy sitting around, tempting little boys daily. Here's a virtual one, and a felt one that I love. Hope we can make our own version of it next year...something I could see the boys adding to each year.

Finally, for the real die-hard Aidan fans out there, here is a little (well, maybe a little long at 2 minutes) video of Aidan singing Frosty the Snowman as only he and Jimmy Durante could.

You'll need to turn off the Coldplay song in the background by clicking on the toolbar under Playlist in the right column, and please ignore the chaotic state of my office. Aidan's missing tooth adds a little lisp;-)

Winter Snapshots

                The last snowfall, school party, the snowman and tree Aidan made, oatmeal bars, Sean, our tree.

Yesterday the boys met their buddies at Dave's Corner Market to sing carols to the regulars gathering there for coffee. They were all sitting on a bench outside, singing their hearts out to "Here Comes Santa Claus", when a guy pulled up in an old pick-up. He had suspenders, an impressive white beard, and an equally impressive belly. The boys turned silent, and then screamed, "Santa Claus!"  He walked up to them, saying, "I'm always watching, ya know, and I'm so impressed with how good y'all are." Then he gave them all a candy cane. The other moms and I just looked at each other---we couldn't have planned anything more perfect:-) Serendipity and a moment of kindness on his part to stop.

Lots of fun planned for today, but right now I should be getting a shepherd and a wise man dressed. Just wanted to share this recipe for Gingerbread Boys & Girls.

My friend Kris passed it to me a couple years ago. A great dipping-in-tea cookie if you leave them plain. Lots of fun for the kids to decorate. We just fill little baggies with frosting and cut a small corner for the kids to pipe the frosting themselves.

Gingerbread Boys and Girls

1 ½ cups dark molasses

1 cup packed brown sugar

2/3 cup cold water

1/3 cup shortening

7 cups flour

2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

2 tsp ground ginger

1 tsp ground allspice

1 tsp ground cloves

1 tsp ground cinnamon

Mix molasses through shortening.  Stir in the remaining ingredients. Cover with plastic wrap and chill two hours. I also divide the dough into two equal parts at this point and make half that day and freeze the remaining portion for another day.

Heat oven to 350. Roll dough ¼ inch thick on floured surface and use desired cookie cutters.  Bake until no indentation remains (approximately 10 to 12 minutes).

Frosting:

2 cups powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 to 2 tsp milk (I usually experiment here. You can always add more milk, so add slowly)

Stir ingredients together and top on cooled cookies.

Enjoy!